A Little Bit of Comedy

Here's a little bit of humor that I see when I read posts in Facebook running groups. Is it just me? Share your favorites!

I’m sure that you have noticed that all posts to running Facebook groups can be divided into a few simple categories:

1. Look at me! LOOK at me! Look at ME!
2. My real friends are not runners and are tired of hearing me talk about it. So now I’m going to talk to you.
3. Something doesn’t feel right when I run, and I’d rather ask a bunch of random people on Facebook who have no medical training whatsoever, for FREE, than to take a few hours out of my time and dollars out of my wallet to visit a trained professional for their professional opinion.
4. My doctor told me to do X, but I don’t want to do X, and I’d rather ask a bunch of random people on Facebook who have no medical training whatsoever to commiserate with me and tell me I don’t really have to do X than to heed the professional opinion of a trained professional.
5. I am planning on doing something that I know I shouldn’t do, but I’m doing it anyway and I’m “asking for your advice”, which really means that I am only looking for people who will encourage me to do this and other things I shouldn’t be doing. No discouraging remarks, please.
6. “I have lost my running mojo.” Translation: I lack the ability to motivate myself to do things that I know are good for me just because they are “hard.”
7. I am feeling sorry for myself because I think that I am {old / fat / slow / out-of-shape} but I want your affirmation that I can still call myself a runner.
8. Gaining Weight:
1. I eat bad food – and way too much of it, and I know it, but I want to hear a bunch of unscientific reasons why I am gaining weight.
2. When I started running I started gaining weight because I was converting fat to muscle and muscle weighs more than fat. What? No, I didn’t know that professional bodybuilders exercise a single body part for hours, take great care to eat the right foods at the right time and get the right sleep, and they struggle to gain one single pound of muscle in a week. Cool! I gained six pounds this week just from turning my fat to muscle by running!
3. I don't run anymore because it made me too hungry and I was justifying eating a lot that I was clearly not burning off even on long distance runs, therefore running makes you gain weight.
4. I was gaining weight while running, so I cut out carbs. I have not eaten a single gram of carbohydrates in the past week and I’m too exhausted to stand up. Let me tell you how great “keto” is!
9. I’ve never run before, but my friends dared me to run a marathon with them. It’s in two weeks. What shoes should I buy?
10. There is no point in paying a coach. Just run more! Pardon me, I see you’re a coach. Could you give me some free training advice?

And, finally, just a few "favorite" posts I've seen recently:

1. So now that I did it and I'm officially a marathoner, I want to commemorate this in my way. I need a tattoo but want something unique, can I see y'alls marathon tats for some inspiration?
2. Q: Just curious. Is it rude to play phone music out loud? What about in a race? I would love to like running without it but I’m not there at this point. And I LOVE running with it.
1. WORST ANSWER: Do what is best for you, its everyone's race and we need to respect that that music helps you. Others cheer, some talk and some just focus and at the end of the day we need to support each other and what helps us reach the finish it's called teamwork. Play on.
2. RUNNER UP: People do it in races. You do you! Don’t worry and enjoy! Everyone is doing their own thing anyways
3. BEST ANSWER: Do whatever you want on a solo run but it's 100% rude during a race. Your right to listen to whatever you want stops at my ears. No one gets to dictate what others have to hear.